doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
