The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
