Only a mothe r could love this liver
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
