things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
