Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
