The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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