Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
