our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
