i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
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