I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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