Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
