First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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