We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We talked him into tasing himself.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
