She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
