That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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