I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
