dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
