im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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