So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You ruined the universe
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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