We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
