Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
