Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
lol hangovers are for mortals.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
