Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
