Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
