GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
