I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
