genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
