you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
