if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
