If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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