I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
