i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
