nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
