it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
