You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
