ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
