a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
