Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
