Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
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I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
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There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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