sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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