i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
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Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
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should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I am mentally ready for anal.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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