i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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