im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
