There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Every concussion has its silver lining
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
