I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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