he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
So. Much. Porn.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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