I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
