You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
