Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
