Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
