Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm always down for nudity.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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