Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
