I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Everclear isn't food dammit
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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