yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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