The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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