I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Do vagina's smell?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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