yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
