She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
