I think I died a long time ago.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
