No awkward lesbian experiences without me
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
