You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I have aggressive nipples.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
