Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
