don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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