I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize