she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
