I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
