well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
