I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
