You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
