I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Randomize
